Zack Aldrich Halor

[darkhugh]

The Sixth Soul

- - - Zack Aldrich Halor
"There are no shadows without light."

&. ALIAS: N/A

&. AGE: Twenty-Two

&. GENDER: Male

&. SEXUALITY: Straight

&. STATUS: Single




☆ Devoted.
☆ Well mannered.
☆ Strong willed.
☆ Intelligent.
☆ Leadership.




★ Talkative.
★ Dominant.
★ Cold.
★ Quick to act.
★ Does not know his own strength.




✓ Frays.
✓ Food.
✓ Heroic Spirit.
✓ Weapons.
✓ Moon-light.




✕ Cheats.
✕ Vengeance.
✕ Solitude.
✕ Arrogance.
✕ Dogs.



♡ Scared of going into water.
♡ Wishes to be with someone
♡ Can’t always split between reality and ficition.




» Broad sword: As you can see in the portrait above Zack carries a large double handed broad sword, a devastating weapon in the hands of a normal person. Meaning it is very fatal in the hands of Zack, someone who is capable of fighting with the weapon one-handed. The weapon however is rare and most likely one of a kind, the metal is rather light for the strength it has, making it possible for someone of Zack’s strength to swing it with one hand.
» Dagger: As a secondary weapon Zack carries a few dagger with him, having one strapped to his lower right leg, while the others can be located around his chest or his belt.
» Coat: Something he always wears, and normally with the hood up and hiding his face from all those that see. The coat is a dark brown on one side, with many zip up pockets. The Coat can cover him from the top of his head to just below his waist.

• Spirit Class: Berserker
  
• Heroic Spirit: N/A
  
• Magical Knowledge: Lesser (1).
  
• Magical Energy: Average (2).
  
• Miscellaneous Talents: Greater (3).
  

Combat Style:

Zack is a rather strong being, along with being fast due to his lack of heavy clothing or item. Beside the sword that is. For this reason up close he is a very hard opponent to face off, being able to easily wield the broad sword with one arm when needed. The mixture of speed and strength however are not the most dangerous thing that Zack has to deliver, in combat his is constantly changing styles and for this reason can be very hard to predict and defend against. He has no problem with launching himself off of walls or taking an opponent’s attack head on so that he can deliver a fatal move.

His style of combat can be seen as being rather diverse and unnatural; doing things that would be rare in combat. His incredible will power also allows him to plough through attacks when needed, meaning he can happily run into a blade and slice as his foe without being killed upon first contact. He is simply a sturdy person and able to take a beating before collapsing, even then he will refuse to give up. Though he is still a human and a strong enough strike can still serve limbs of simply kill him, so he can be rather cautious when face up against people he does not fully understand or perhaps fears.

Noble Phantasm:
Mass calling: When it is deemed needed Zack is capable of focusing his magical energy and then focuses it into the ground around him. When the energy is at full capacity (roughly one post) he can release the energy, launching out ten different weapons of his choice, this can be a selection of focused in one type. These weapons are all made up of Zack’s own energy, and for this reason the only person that can wield the weapons are him. The weapons all last until Zack’s death, he calls them off (can be done singularly or all together) or the time runs out, which is thirty minutes after creation. Each weapon is classed as being in his hands for the purpose of his magic style as long as he has his main weapon touching his skin.

This mass calling is often not used and it normally used when he is up against multiple opponents, as it allows him many different angles and styles of attack. Making him a much more versatile foe for anyone that faces him.

Magic Usage: Combatant – Zack’s main focus in combat is with weapon meaning this style of magic fits him the most, and due to his large spiritual mass he is able to using many different effects on his weapon. Heightening it in many ways, from applying element effect to strengthening the blades resistance. The effects are normally things that a person cannot normally discern by just looking at, meaning the effects normally catch his foe off guard and this in turn makes them easier to defeat. The magic itself is used a great deal and it is rather rare for him to not have any particular effect upon his weapon as he never knows when he may have to suddenly draw his weapon.




[b]claymore[/b], [i]raki (time skip)[/i]
I, JAKE, hereby agree to have read and abide the rule set forth by the staff. By signing this, I completely understand the reason behind GM's rating and will also to take any and all liability for my actions.

[ɓįƴǫrį]

R E V I S E ;;

First of all, I’d like to start by thanking you for your interest in this position. However, the level of application you have submitted is going to require severe revision. The format of this revision advisement it simple: I start at the top and find what’s wrong. You fix it. Unless you have a logical argument, you do not argue. Yes, normally you can tell an app grader that you were right and sometimes win. However, I don’t care what you think unless it’s well supported with more than ego behind it. That being said, we begin.

First and foremost, do not color the application as you see fit. It does not ‘look better’ or ‘fit better’. The coding is how it is for a reason, and out of respect for the staffer who coded it to begin with, do not touch that coding. Your three icons are to be matching and make sense for a profile. The first two icons do not make sense, the third does. With the name of the character himself, again, do not touch the coding. Also, please follow the style guide given for that portion. For the record, an alias is a nickname. It is not your custom title. No one in their right mind would nickname another human being ‘The Sixth Soul’. It would make no sense whatsoever. And now, we move on to personality.

A strong sense of justice does not put one on the people’s good side. It does not make it easier to socialize or get you information. What a strong sense of justice does is tend to aggravate people as those with the high moral fiber necessary to have a sense of justice like that tend to also be the ones butting into other people’s business and ruining things on the way out. Sure, they’ll thank you for fixing something. But in the end, they’re not going to help much. This is not an RPG. You can’t rob someone’s house and then ask where the princess is and get any results. Being well mannered does not mean you know how to talk. It means you might know when to nod and shut up, but what you’re really after is good conversational skills. Being pig headed doesn’t make everyone around you pig headed either. Being a good leader does that. For the record, you can’t be born a fighter. You can be raised as one, but no one springs forth from their mother’s loins with fighter mentality. Phrase your intelligence in a way that doesn’t make your character sound like he would be a dumb animal without it. The way your leadership skills are phrased makes this man sound like a god of tactics. It also sounds like he put something in their water, because no one cares about who likes who in tactical situations. People like knowing someone is steady on the trigger, has sense enough to not die and keeps their teammates alive.

You can’t be thoughtful and get ahead of yourself at the same time. The very act of being too thoughtful implies you over-think the issue to the point of stagnation and beyond. If he cares too much about other people’s opinions, then he’s self-conscious. There’s being cold and then there’s antisocial. What you’re alluding to is being antisocial to the point of self destruction. Humans need bonds with other creatures or they will lose their minds. Keep that in mind. Please don’t set your personality traits with things that reveal powerhouse tendencies. We can figure that detail out from the rest of the profile.

We could care less about the aftermath of his insane eating habits. Really. Now… your Heroic Spirit is not your wife. You don’t even know who you have yet. Don’t specify things like that when your character has never even met a Heroic Spirit before in his entire life. It would be fairer to say his ‘partner’ or his ‘friend’, but you specified before that apparently said relationships are insignificant in the grand picture. Please correct this. Now, it takes a modicum of time to learn weapons to the point of proficiency. You can train with them all you like, but your character will be a master of none of them. He hasn’t got that much time in his life.

You can’t kick a dog from two hundred odd feet away. It’s impossible. And if you hate dogs, stay away from them. Don’t kick them. That’s animal cruelty, and if you keep it up your character might just become a serial killer.

Please don’t cram your secrets in three categories and think its all good. We want three secrets. Just three. Not three categories full of vague references to a history we’re never going to get to read.

Pictures other than those that are your icons are not wanted in this application. Take. It. Out. That sword you can have if you take out everything magical about it. It is a sword. Even if you swing as hard as you possibly can, all humans have a weakness. Actually… Get rid of this entire inventory and try again. Get a normal sword, ditch the plate armor, and stop wearing a cloak. You’re a summoner. Not Saber. Itemize accordingly. You come from the modern world (magic be hanged, it’s still modern). Go look outside and see if anyone with their head on straight runs around with plate armor and a cloak on. Find anyone? No? Then don’t do it.

You don’t have a summon. Don’t fill things out that involve a Heroic Spirit if you don’t have one. It’s rude to the other party and generally won’t get you very far. A Spirit is not obliged to accept you as a Summoner. Stop acting like they are.

When filling out your combat section, it is recommended that you don’t assume you have a Spirit that likes you. In terms of time, at the most you would have met the Spirit a month ago. It is not possible to have such a deep and fulfilling relationship with someone else in so little time. Rework your entire fighting style. Take out the spirit and analyze it from every direction. The way this character seems to fight implies he is superhuman, and unless you put that ‘Greater’ ranking in the ‘miscellaneous talents’ section, he is NOT. He is, as that section has stated, average. Try explaining his combat from the point of an intelligent fighter. You might want to make him good at tactics and reading the flow of battle, or maybe you want him to be a good sword fighter. He’s average, so he’s not going to be impressive if you do both. An unconventional combat style such as this requires more thought behind it than you put in, because it doesn’t take into account how anyone with sanity would react to that. To be frank, someone will lock you away for being insane. Give him some weaknesses, make him human. Don’t just give it godly battle strategy beyond Sun Tzu. It doesn’t work like that.

Your Noble Phantasm is on the level of a Heroic Spirit. Most specifically, this is pretty much the Fate/Stay Night Archer’s final Noble Phantasm without the dimensional bubble to force it to make sense. Also, magical power is not that wonderful. It can’t identify one Spirit from the other and give preference in addition to the caster themselves. That would require concentration on the part of the magic user, and clearly that concentration is going towards making more pointy things to stab people with.

Your magic… you might want to redo it after you redo the rest of this profile. It’s decent, but upon reworking this you might find that your particular magic style isn’t really doing anything.

And take out that image at the bottom. Really. Oh, and change the topic name to that of the summoner himself. Not his class.

When you’ve done all this, please repost in the notification thread and I will review your application again.

[darkhugh]

Edited.

[ɓįƴǫrį]

R E V I S E ;;

Same thing, sans personality section. You don't have a picture, stop referencing it. Your signature image is also too big. And so you know... no man is strong enough to use a two handed sword as a one handed one, no matter how awesome the blade materials. If you would like to say otherwise, go find such a sword and swing it around. You want two hands to handle something that bulky.

Please reread the previous revise review and try that again.

[Camby]

Jake-

The summoner spots are full. Please consider changing your class, maybe to Magi?

Don't be discouraged.

-Camby